While walking in Phnom Penh (waiting for Princess Fiona to arrive!!) an old Bon Jovi song began to play on my little green Ipod (thank you Kat Chma - I didn't think I would use it much, but I was wrong!) All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with the pure thought of "What If". That song transported me back though time. Within a few paces, my mind was scouring through past relationships somewhat like flipping through the pages of a picture book. Some pages caught my minds attention and I allowed myself to consider the "what if". A few faces stuck with me and some made me smile. Although there were those that did not warrant much consideration at this time, it did not mean that those experiences didn't in some form or another help shape me into "Me".
I remember in 2006 during peace studies while at Native Spirit Camp, I was overcome with the realization that if I were to die at that very moment, I would do so with no regrets in life. There was nothing in my life that I doubted or would have changed. No "What If" scenarios occupied my thoughts. Therefore, as I continue to walk and ponder the chosen few memories (I'll never reveal who had the honor!) I envisioned the house, the kids, the white picket fence and I smiled. As I smiled and walked onto the street to maneuver around a car parked on the sidewalk, I caught the eye of a sleepy security guard and he smiled back at me. A very sweet honest smile which brought me back to reality. My reality, the here and now, and I had to smile even bigger knowing my "what if" can be filed in the fiction section of my mental library meanwhile the here and now has yet to be shelved.
As I reached my new favorite coffee shop, NOM, Bon Jovi's "Misunderstood" had been replaced by MeatLoaf's "Life is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back"...further solidifying that my "what if's" are nice thoughts to pass the time, but will never become regrets. I have made the right life decisions at the optimal times to bring me the most joy and happiness possible into my life.
While sitting down writing these thoughts in my journal New Order's "True Faith" started playing. It is one of my all-time favorite songs and the bizarre video prompted me (at the wee age of 19) to go buy a sign language book.
Those particular songs in progression...ironic? - no such thing as irony, what's meant to be is meant to be.
By the way, haven't heard the songs? Click away.