I am now human….well in the eyes of some of the children now. The other evening, I was sad…and upset, the "why" isn’t important (and doesn’t need to be commented on) but the effect of my
said sadness was. During our nightly
meditation, I was visibly upset, my eyes were red and my voice cracked when I
tried to talk.
The children had never seen me this way and they just stared at
me. After meditation I walked to my room
to chill out and be alone but along the way many of the older kids stopped me to
see if I was going to be okay and I assured them that I was. I
slept it off and the next morning I awoke refreshed and ready to start the day.
I was not prepared
for how the kids looked at me that day.
The little ones used their English skills to remind me of the night
before by saying “Melinda Cry”, or “Melinda Cry in Meditation”. I just answered, “Yes, Melinda cried, I was
sad, but now I am happy”. They seemed to
accept that fine and we started our preschool class. There were a couple of times one of them
commented “Melinda cry – Today Melinda Happy”.
When the older kids came home from school, they ran to me and asked over
and over “Are you okay”. I assured them
I was and added that sometimes I am sad, but then I think about it and because
I can’t change the past, I have to be happy again.
I thought that would be it…that life would resume as usual…I was wrong.
One young boy and I have a tentative relationship. He probably has one of the most depressing
stories (if you can really judge)…being abandoned again and again by those who were supposed to love
him; his family, those that were supposed to care for him; his family. His temper goes from 0 to boiling in a matter
of seconds. He explodes, but with tears
in his eyes. He gets frustrated so
easily and I make a conscious effort to not set him off…but, occasionally when I can’t
ignore his behavior I have to reprimand him. I know the consequences of my actions…he will
pretend I don't exist for days on end while I hurt inside and wish I could help him
somehow. This same little guy has the
most fantastic smile when he allows himself to have some fun. A smile that lights up his whole face.
It was such a wonderful moment, just he and I walking back to the dorms
in the light of the full moon. I felt a
little apprehensive and hoped the moment would not be interrupted. My hopes came true as when we reached the dorm he told me again “thank
you” before going into his room. I
wanted to grab him and hug him, but I didn't press my luck and was content in knowing things between me and him may have changed, if not forever...at least for awhile. Patience is one of my strong points and since
neither of us are going anywhere, there is time. My relationship with Ya would not have such a
nice turnabout had “Melinda not cry”. I would
not have received the more than usual hugs, arms around my waist and sniffs
(the Khmer version of a kiss!) had
“Melinda not cried”.
Yes, Melinda was sad and she cried at meditation, but now I am happy and is thankful for all the wonderful gifts being sad inadvertently
brought about. I have once again
learned a lesson in letting go and is reminded of a card received by my parents many years ago that stated “Every Challenge is an Opportunity.” Neither they nor I could have imagined how
true those words would become in my life.
2 comments:
Oh, it looked like I was in a journey along with you when I was reading your post...could feel your every words... and so inspiring at the end... and with a beautiful conclusion that even sadness brings some sort of sweet happiness...
You and your writing; both are so beautiful.. :)
Best Wishes, Gopal
Thank you so much Gopal. Your words (and blog) both enlighten me and help me relate to my birthday brother. :-)
xoxo
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