It is hard to write about these things since at the end of the day it all seems so trivial, or pale in comparison to what they have gone through in their short lifetime. Physically, I can show photo’s of their smiles; their laughs –it’s the image I can’t catch; what I can’t take a photo of that occupies my mind. The pre-death image of my father continues to haunt my mothers sleep; do these children witness the same? What do they think about before falling to sleep? Do they continue to see their parent’s death; their sibling’s death; the suffering of those they loved while waiting for the inevitable outcome…or have those images faded with time.
These are the thoughts I struggle with, but to only concentrate on what they may be going through undermines the way they continue to move forward each day. Perhaps, it is I who struggles much more than they. I am humbled at how much I have not witnessed in life. I realize that comparison brings about the ego “Who has suffered more?” “Whose pain is greater?” These are things that can’t be measured. What you can see, though, is the smile of a child, a hearty laugh - and keeping those moments of their daily life hidden away allows the pain to jump ahead to the front of the line. So I will change my attitude and let these children have their day!