06 June, 2010

Letter to an 8 legged friend...

Mr Longlegs
Melinda's Room
Upstairs, CPH
Parsa Dang - Nepal

Dear Daddy

     I hope I can be so forward to address you by your first name.  I thought we had an agreement to live peacefully together. You, your wife, many children and your large extended family could occupy space in my room on my ceiling, in the corners and behind the door and I will not chase you out or destroy your intricately designed webs (if you stick to the aforementioned areas). I even moved my scarfs to accommodate your greedy little nephew’s web which he insists on making bigger each day. I must say I was impressed (and repulsed) by the rather large beetle he caught the other day and because you all are so good at keeping my room bug free, I let him keep the beetle instead of diverting it when I saw it ignorantly meanding towards the web.

     I again am thankful for all you do, but there is an urgent issue that has surfaced that we must discuss. I do not now and will not in the future appreciate bug carcasses carelessly deposited on my mosquito net, on my clothes and on my other personal items. I do understand that we have very different eating habits and as I am a vegetarian and you a blood sucker, our table manners are quite different. That said, when I am finished eating, I would never dream of tossing a banana peel or mango seed into your web! I am interested to know why it has become a habit in the Longlegs family to drop the inedible leftovers where you want.

     I have watched you eat, and I have tried not to judge. I have witnessed you wrapping the poor insect around and around with your web making goo that mysteriously appears out of your body.  Luckyily you are very skilled in this process and it goes quite fast (which makes your victim's untimely death a little less horrible to think about) and then do this humping aerobic dance while you feast on its juices. My question is: “Is is too much to ask that when you have satisfied your carnivorous cravings to discard of the lifeless gray shell from your meal out the window or at least onto the floor?” Please consider this question seriously as my coocho (broom) and I anxiously await an answer -but do keep in mind being that I am a Master of Peace, if we cannot work out a deal, I will help you and your family relocate in a peaceful manner..

Yours sincerely,

Your Roommate

No comments: