21 May, 2007

more privledge...

Okay this post is not so "heavy"...again it is about my thoughts of privilege and the whole "why me" issue, but things are becoming more and more clear to me.

The McKee's have family in town, so for the next 2 weeks, I am staying at the house of Charlie's brother, who along with his wife and 2 children are living in Valencia (about an hour south of Castellon). I am now sitting in a very beautiful place! When I walked into the house the mom said "you can have the upstairs, pick your room, because the kids sleep on the main floor in bedrooms near ours"...so I headed up the stairs.

I turned into the first room and I just about died (in a good way, of course). There in front of me was a bedroom with big sliding doors leading out to a terrace surrounded by trees and plants and furnished"India" style (which I completely am in LOVE with) with big cushions on the tile and colorful beaded pillows....I obviously had found "my room". I am now sitting on one of the cushions and actually feel like crying, yes I know...again, but I just can't help it, I guess it's from all the years I felt compelled to "hold back the tears" which is such a stupid concept, if you have a feeling why not express it, You wouldn't hold back a laugh would you?? except if you were in church, ah, but I digress.

Which brings me to "privilege" as I previously called it. While perusing the house, I found a book called "The Purpose of your Life" and promptly started reading it. I have really been working hard on"finding myself"; started yoga in the mornings and have been reading up on really being in tune with my sub-conscious mind. Well this book takes it steps further and in line with the book "Celestine Prophecy" which I loved, it tells you that everything happens for a reason and as long as you become aware of the "signs" around you, then you can kind of prepare yourself for things to come, so to speak. Along the lines that everything happens for a reason; the harder you try to "make something right" or "try harder for something to work" and it is continuously unsuccessfully, then it probably isn't or wasn't meant to be.

This was finally made clear to me when I had a feeling that I should contact a close friend of mine in Austin. He replied that his life is not working like he wants it to and everything he has tried so hard to achieve is just not working. While emailing him back and forth telling him my thoughts on his dilemma, things suddenly fell into place for me then and there! When I look at all the links (coincidences if you will) in the past 2 months that brought me to where I am, it's downright scary. I won't go into it all since that would bring me to post some depressing stuff and since "anonymous commenter" requested a more uplifting post, I'll skip over that part! but basically, since the "Easter event" one thing has lead to another through the crying session on the hill to finding the book to emailing my friend. Reading the book and "hopefully helping" my friend in need, I have come to terms with the "privileges" that continue to find me. I cannot look at these incredible opportunities that have happened upon me in a bad way, they are just happening because they are a necessary step to help me on my path to find my purpose in life.

When I had talked to a "mystic mentor" in December she had mentioned that I need to write everything down, write down the people I meet, their characteristics, what their interaction with me means to me, what I learn from them, etc... this didn't make sense to me at the time and actually I haven't paid much attention to it until now...the book talks about how even the smallest meeting or "running into" someone can have a purpose in your life to help you stay or get on the path you were born to follow.

I mean luck only goes so far...there has to be something more at work here. I have also released myself from figuring out my future. What I mean is that I have let go, so to speak, and realized that there is little I can do to change whatever crazy path I am supposed to be on. I am "going with the flow", but along with that I am very conscious of my surroundings and opportunities that come my way. I can not take anything for granted and not be so hard on myself for the opportunities that have come and will come my way.

Who would have thought that by trying to help a friend, I ended up helping myself. It reminds me of "The King and I" movie where Deboah Kerr is singing to the little siamese students and states "It's a very ancient saying, But a true and honest thought, That if you become a teacher, By your pupils you'll be taught". Now in no way do I feel that I am a "teacher" but what the hell, I have long since given up trying to figure out the things that pop into my mind...

The wonderful thing is that he has realized that doors are opening up for him, ones that he wasn't even aware of AND I may have the pleasure of traveling with him again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hello...this is "lighter"? Crap...I'm living an *empty* life. heehee.