20 April, 2007

body burp...

Soren (age 3) was playing outside with his twin brother and I. He suddenly rushed to the sliding door leading into his bedroom and yelled that he needed to go to the bathroom (#2), so I told him to leave the door open and I would hear him call me if he needed any help.

a couple of minutes went by and I heard him yelling my name. I rushed into his bathroom and said what do you need...he was cracking up so hard and said ¨Melinda, did you hear my body burp¨? I looked confused and said, ¨Your what¨? He said ¨my body burp¨, (I then found out that a ¨body burp¨ is air realeased from your body, much like a burp, but that of which comes from your butt instead of your mouth...(a.k.a. fart)).

I said ¨Soren do you need any help or did you just call me to tell me about your body burp¨. He replied ¨I just wanted to tell you because it was really loud and funny¨.

People without children in their lives miss sooooo much...

16 April, 2007

what's in a smile

I was traveling on the train in kind of a blah mood; no reason, but I just didn't feel that great. I glimpsed the ticket taker man coming, so I got out my ticket and when I went to hand it to him, I realized this was a ticket taker man (TTM) that I see often and for what ever reason, he makes me smile everytime. Now, he's certainly no GQ young man, on the contrary he's probably in his 60's thin and completely normal looking, but he has this incredible positive energy that he exudes and when he smiled at me (just like he smiles at every other passenger...well those who have tickets, I suppose) I couldn't help but smile back, but like a really huge smile came over me and I almost laughed outloud! His smile became bigger and he checked my ticket and moved
on.

I sat there like a dork with this silly smile on my face for the next 5 minutes until I came to Vila Real, and then all the way walking to work, I still couldn't get that grin off my face, but the funny thing was that as I passed people, most smiled back and that made me feel even better inside, since maybe I made their day a little brighter just like TTM made me feel.

moving soon

It's official, the MK's want me to move in with them to help with the boys! It will be a big adjustment living with a family again and loosing much of my privacy, but it really is the best thing to do at this time. I spent all morning today packing and getting really excited about the change. I don't know why I love change so much, but I can get so motivated when I know something different is around the corner.

I told R and he was really bummed but he understands the situation and the town I am moving to is only 30 minutes away by train, so we'll be able to get together often. I am really looking forward to the Austria program which will start in July. I'm doing the online course now and it's pretty reading intensive, so I will be able to be more involved in the course since my evenings will be spent in my room.

I will move in officially on the 1st of May, but I will probably be spending alot of time here until then. C is a sailor in the Americas Cup which is going on in Valencia, Spain at this time, so he is working alot so B can use the extra help now, plus they are moving in July back to the US, so there will be lots of packing in June, which I am ¨freakishly¨really looking forward to!

13 April, 2007

change

Because of my "enlightenment" over the past week, I am in need of a change...yes once again, change is necessary in my life (as if I haven't had enough in the past year). I am currently in Pucol with the family I nanny for on weekends. I feel really comfortable here and have read and studied more this past 3 days than I have in a month. Although my "new house" in Castellon is much better than the apt. I was renting, it really doesn't feel like "home". My room is great and the location is perfect for living in the city, but for some reason, I have not been able to "fit into my surroundings". I feel like I am living in someone else's space and that space has negative energy so here's my plan...

I haven't not asked the MK's if they want a live in helper although B has hinted of that on occasion AND I have not talked to R to see if he can find someone he would like to live with if I leave, but since I am a planner I have already figured out how I could make it work living in Pucol, working for the MK's and still teaching in Vila Real. The one thing I really had to focus on is whether I want to be a "nanny" again and I realize I could do it since it is only for 3 months. The MK's are so caring and giving and I feel totally comfortable around them, plus their house is big enough for me to have my own space, too.

Now I just have to ask B and C, talk to R and change one class in Vila Real. Simple huh??? I love change!

refocus

Okay, the excitement I had over my potential exciting vacation with 4 guys turned out to be the absolute worst experience in my life…maybe not the worst experience, but definitely the worst vacation! To sum it up, I spent 5 days and 4 nights with whiny, indecisive, immature males. I had previously felt happy when no other women were coming because I wanted to hike and have some tranquil time alone when the guys surfed. Well, there was no “surf”, the waves were non-existent so the first day what did the guys want to do?…well, after whining all morning, they suggested to go shopping….for surf stuff, I was okay for awhile browsing the stores but after one hour in one shop, I couldn’t take it anymore, I told one of the guys that I was going next door to have a beer. I sat in this little bar for about 30 minutes watching the Americas Cup on the TV and then figured that I better go and see if they were still in that shop or had moved on to the next one. To my dismay, they were still in the shop! They spent over 2 hours in that one shop and it’s not like a super walmart kind of shop, it’s roughly the size of a small starbucks! I tried to be as calm as I could since basically there was nothing I could do; I was too far from the camping area to walk back. After that we ate dinner and went to a bar…a surf bar with big screen TV’s and watched surfing on the TV for another 2 hours….so I sucked it up…and up…and up and that is what I did for the next 5 days, I sucked it up.

I became extremely emotionally exhausted while trying to communicate with them and trying not to get angry when after hours of debating whether they would surf the little waves, they would decide against it and settle on getting high instead. By the last night, I was done, emotionally and physically. I was done with them all, the lack of disrespect for me was overwhelming and I couldn’t believe these were “grown men” and any chance of a further relationship with M was simply unheard of, since the one single night we were to be together just the two of us, he ended up getting drunk and high.

In order to tolerate the trip, I had to dig deep in my mind and find a purpose as to why I had to endure the punishment. I know it sounds melodramatic, but for me to be “trapped” with no ability to leave and to be with people that I had no desire to be around is the worst thing that could happen to me. I kept asking “Why am I in hell?” What have I done to deserve this? I didn’t know the answer at the time, but luckily I had my journal and my Ipod. With music cranked I wrote about my thoughts and feelings. I was able to release somewhat and then, it came to me a certain sense of clarity. I needed this time to realize that I was not heading in the right direction. I was getting complacent in Castellon. I had not worked on my thesis in over a month and I was half-assing the required Austria Peace Program online course I am enrolled in. I had been lazing around not practicing Spanish, not exercising much, not eating well and basically not thinking of what is best for ME.

While doing all this inner searching, it was like a light was suddenly ignited inside of me…I suddenly felt clarity, like a sense of calmness, of course there was still the devastation of the fact that I was “trapped” in a place I couldn’t escape, but I was able to go beyond myself and see what is important in my life. Relationships are important, but not one that makes you put your hopes and dreams for yourself on hold. It was also ironic that the only book I brought on the trip was “Man’s search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl. In the first half of the book, he speaks about his 4 years in a concentration camp in Germany. It’s a book about why some people survive horrendous situations when others don’t, his reasoning is that if there is some kind of meaning in one’s life, just one little reason to survive (perhaps a child), you will. I thought of all the suffering going on in the world and here I was pouting over some emotional pain while sitting on the incredibly beautiful coast of northern Spain. Kind of put me in my place. In the book Frankl also talks about how in those 4 years of incredible torture and pain, he would find pleasure in the simplest thing, like glimpsing a flower. During the 4th day, I took a long jog along this path along the coast, which was high above the water. After about 45 minutes, the path came into a small town where (because it was Easter Sunday) people were out walking and enjoying family time. I slowed down to a walk and just watched the people. Such happiness, such a stark contrast from what I had just run from.

I then noticed that there were many dogs running about along the path. One chocolate lab puppy in particular was tearing down the trail like there was no tomorrow and about a minute later came a young girl on a bike and her younger brother on in-line skates trying desperately to keep up. The girl was yelling for the dog and all of a sudden the puppy came bursting back directly towards them. He then took off again and ventured off the path straight into a huge water puddle, which he then proceeded to roll around in with the most incredible puppy grin on his face. I started laughing out loud, perhaps a little too loudly as the little boy next to me jumped and then started laughing too and then the lab ran over and took a toy away from another dog and they played chase for awhile dodging all the people on the trail. In that moment I experienced complete simplistic happiest, which was by far the most happiness that I had experienced in 4 days.

Another thing I came away with was forgiveness. I don’t know why but for some reason I do not have bad feelings towards M, I can’t explain why but there was that sense of clarity or something that gave me a peaceful feeling inside. I had been trying to fit into a lifestyle that wasn’t right for me, a certain kind of relationship that wasn’t right for me. I’m back on track now and focusing on what will make Melinda’s future brighter.

05 April, 2007

some new house photo´s

looking out from my bedroom door. there are stairs going up and down, my bedroom is on the 2nd floor.
looking into my bedroom from my doorway. I have a small terrace (balcony) really only room for a couple people to stand, but really nice just the same.
looking down the staircase from the hallway by my room. the very bottom floor is the entrance, then you go up one floor for the bathroom and kitchen, then another floor for my bedroom, then the top floor has Robert´s bedroom, another bathroom and the living room.
my bedroom looking from the terrace. Of course these were taken when I first moved in and I have rearranged the room somewhat, so I´ll post them later along with photo´s of the rest of the house.